Not Just Any Baton...

When I was in high school, there was this majorette with horrible bleach blonde hair who never caught her baton. Every Friday, she wore one purple shoe and one gold shoe to “show her spirit” because those were our school colors. I always thought she was an idiot with no taste.

Today, evidently, I am paying homage to her. It started because I overslept. It is all Shlomo’s fault. No one bothered to tell me that our new alarm clock only allows you to hit the snooze button five times. I know that seems like five times should be an ample amount of snooze, but for me, it’s not. I like to snooze for at least an hour.

That is probably the fault of my mother. I distinctly remember being in first grade and hear her talking about how she would wake me, put me on the couch, let me watch Captain Kangaroo, and not talk to me for an hour until I was awake and in a better mood. If it started then, I really can’t break that trend now.

After that digression, I think you know where this story is going. Alarm. Snooze. Alarm. Snooze. Alarm. Snooze. Call from Shlomo. Alarm. Snooze. Alarm. Off that I thought was snooze. I woke up 40 minutes later…30 minutes later than I needed to get up.

It was a mad dash to get ready. I still did everything I needed to do. I fed the birds. I made the bed. I let the dogs out and hopefully back in. I even took out some trash from the bathroom. (Okay, carrying a bag down the stairs as you were going anyway really deserves no applause.) I threw on my clothes and grabbed a pair of cufflinks to put on in the car.

I hopped in, backed out, and called Shlomo back. I always feel the need to talk one last time before the plane takes off. I know. Don’t start.

We had our brief conversation. Some stupid hussy known as a “flight attendant” made him turn off his phone. Whatever. I got to a stop light and reached over and put on my lovely moonstone cufflink. It’s one of my favorites. The white stone goes with everything.

I grabbed the other and put it on. I looked down. There was no moonstone. It was garnet. That’s right. Somehow, I managed to pick up two cufflinks that in no way match each other. I was already late and 10 minutes from home. I had no choice. I am wearing them.

So that’s my homage to a certain majorette today. Hopefully, that will be my only homage to the majorettes this week. Another one wore skirts that could double as belts. Actually, I have seen belts that cover more. I don’t really want to pay homage to her with my wardrobe. No one needs or wants to see that.