Here’s the deal. If I can survive Zilla’s wedding of the millennium on Friday and Saturday, I think it could be a great weekend. (Zilla, if you are reading this, no offense…I just typically do not enjoy weddings…it has something to do with being constitutionally banned from marrying Shlomo…I am still a bit bitter.)
Anywho, I am sure it will be a lovely affair. She has spent the better part of fourteen months making sure it will be. My favorite quote from her so far is, “If someone wears khakis to my wedding, I will call them out.” Yeah, she’s been fun this week.
She gave me the itinerary for the weekend. It’s ten pages long and color-coded. That’s right. Ten pages. You did not read that wrong. There is a legend on the front page. Every minute is planned. I can tell you what time the first dance will be. I can tell you what time the last dance will be. I can even tell you when all eight bridesmaids are to flat-iron their hair. Did I mention ten pages with a legend? I told her when this is all over, she needs to use her powers for good and not evil.
So, Shlomo and I will be heading down to the coast tomorrow for the festivities. I am sure it will be lovely. I am also sure the bride will need to be medicated before it is over.
If the groom happens to read this before tomorrow, here is my advice. It will just be easier for you to do everything she says until the reception is over. I know you have an opinion. I know you are entitled to your opinion. However, on behalf of the other people who will have to deal with the bride, please make this sacrifice for us.
So, in the meantime, congratulations and best wishes to Zilla and Groom. May you have many happy years together.
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