Look at Me, Mister...I'm Still a Star

Last night Shlomo and I returned to the place of my former glory where I made my stage debut in The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee to see The Drowsy Chaperone. It was a terrific show. I had seen it on Broadway a few years ago with my mother and it lost none of its charm.

However, that is not the exciting thing to report. I was feeling a little low about my celebrity status. In fact, I was afraid I had dropped off the D-List in a manner that can only be described as an Erin Moran. (Seriously, I know Joanie loved Chachi, but whatever happened to her!?!?)

Then, it happened. Two of my fans recognized me. By fans, I mean two old guys who had to be in their 80s. I had been to the restroom (the fact that the show had no intermission scared me…it did not matter that I had been 10 minutes earlier in the restaurant). I was making my way back to my seat. Then, they stopped me.

“Excuse me, what words did you have to spell?”

Me, beaming with pride, “My first word was Mexicans. I got it right. My second word was the made-up “psermounkell” which is a short speech delivered by a pastor. Everyone knows that would never happen.”

They laughed. I returned to my seat and longed for my sunglasses which I had left in my car to shield me from their admiring gaze. It is not easy having adoring fans.

Tuesday Riddle...

November 16, 2008






7:30 p.m.







Minute Maid Park






Houston, TX






What two people in the world have these things in common?








Me







And













Madonna!
Enough said.

Leaving Las Vegas

I did not want to report this until we were back, but Shlomo and I have been in Vegas for the past few days. He had a convention. I came out as it was winding down. The trip can be described in one word: Cher!

On Wednesday night, Shlomo and I took in her extravaganza. She was either in good voice or lip synched well. I don’t care. The costumes were (there’s no other word) fabulous. By the way, there were 12 costumes in 90 minutes. The dancers and acrobats were amazing.

I might have gotten a little caught up in the moment. I always do. I bought a vintage-looking T-shirt. But more importantly, I bought this.

I particularly like how the box is fogged over her nether-region. She wore the life-sized version (which was not much bigger) during the show .

The backstory on the Cher Barbie is this. I was never allowed to have a Barbie growing up. My dad thought it might make me gay. There are no other words that come to mind than, “Ha ha, Stupid!” It had been a lifelong quest that was not fulfilled. In fact, I considered not owning a Barbie doll one of the greatest tragedies of my life.

So, we saw the dolls before the show started. I pointed them out to Shlomo and said I wanted one. He rolled his eyes and said something to the effect of, “No way.” In my usual witty and condescending manner, I replied that I understood as it would be harder to get a three-top table at dinner following the show. Cher would need her own seat. It was my own little Jack McFarland moment.

So we went to the show. Oh, if I could turn back time. I believe it was incredible. That half-breed is the ultimate dark lady.

The show ends. There is thunderous ovation. Shlomo and I make a beeline for Spago. Imagine my disbelief when they sat the two of us at a three-top table. I ordered my chicken sausage pizza and a bellini and dashed back to the store. It’s odd being joined for dinner by a celebrity.

So all was well. Shlomo and I enjoyed the rest of our stay. We went to the airport this morning. As I am going through security, I hear the guy looking at the machine say, “Whose doll is this?” Shlomo cuts his eyes at me. It’s literally the two of us and some old couple.

Proudly, I say, “She is mine?”

The guy erupts in laughter. “Is that a Barbie?”

I say, “Show some respect. It’s Cher. You might think I would be embarrassed or ashamed, but I am not. She’s fabulous. And, I could say it is for my niece, but I don't have a niece.” With that, I gathered my things and headed to the gate. Viva Las Vegas.


******************************U P D A T E******************************


I just found out that this was at one time available but is not longer being offered by Mattel.

She is even more fabulous than the 80s Cher. The half-breed getup was my favorite costume during the show. Thanks to some savvy ebay shopping, she will arrive in 4-6 days.

I've Got a Headache This Big

Well, I am "sick" today. At least, that is what my boss thinks. Migraines are the worst. Now, it could not in any way be related to the fact that Shlomo is in Vegas and the security alarm people are in the house working on our alarm or that the landscapers are coming this afternoon to determine what they are to next destroy. I mean plant. Plant next. They plant not destroy. Yeah right. Just ask our Star Jasmine...or what is left of it.



Anyway, I am not at the office. That is never a bad thing.



It was a very relaxing weekend. Shlomo left Saturday afternoon for his convention. I went almost immediately to my favorite local shopping horror...I mean mall. I managed to finish my shopping for his birthday presents. I will update all he received after June 10. What do you get the guy who has everything? Well, I answered that question...however, I just cannot share until after his birthday. He does read this blog.



That's about all I have to offer. I will save my camel-riding adventure from yesterday for another time.

Hats Off to Her!

So, here I sit. It’s Tuesday. I am bored out of my mind at work. I really have nothing to talk about. So, I guess I will focus on the most important topics of all: sex and fashion.

Like many girls and gay men, I too am eagerly anticipating the arrival of Sex and the City: The Movie (as I officially call it) at the end of the month. It has been a long time since I sipped fresh cosmos with Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte. And, let’s face it: Patricia Field did the best job of outfitting the gals for that series that anyone has ever done.

As many of you know, the movie premiered this week in London. It makes perfect sense. It’s set in New York. New York is an integral part of the story. It should premiere in London.

So, SJP showed up at the premiere in this:


I totally get it. I think it is beyond fabulous. Every year, I love to see the pictures from Royal Ascot of all the Ladies (capitalized because I am pretty sure all of them have titles) in their fancy hats. It is part of the British culture. And, I am a firm believer of when in Rome (or in this case London), do as the Romans (British).

Furthermore (wow…sounds pompous), I also like to think that I know where she took her inspiration. Roller Wilson, my favorite artist, has been doing stuff like that for years. Just see below…

Since I've Been Gone...

Okay, so it has been a while since I posted an entry. Here is why: all my words for a couple of weeks were taken up by Shlomo’s brilliant speech that I wrote and he delivered last Friday. I plan to take the weekend off, and then be back next week with more updates from my exciting life and observations on the culture known as pop.