Leaving Las Vegas

I did not want to report this until we were back, but Shlomo and I have been in Vegas for the past few days. He had a convention. I came out as it was winding down. The trip can be described in one word: Cher!

On Wednesday night, Shlomo and I took in her extravaganza. She was either in good voice or lip synched well. I don’t care. The costumes were (there’s no other word) fabulous. By the way, there were 12 costumes in 90 minutes. The dancers and acrobats were amazing.

I might have gotten a little caught up in the moment. I always do. I bought a vintage-looking T-shirt. But more importantly, I bought this.

I particularly like how the box is fogged over her nether-region. She wore the life-sized version (which was not much bigger) during the show .

The backstory on the Cher Barbie is this. I was never allowed to have a Barbie growing up. My dad thought it might make me gay. There are no other words that come to mind than, “Ha ha, Stupid!” It had been a lifelong quest that was not fulfilled. In fact, I considered not owning a Barbie doll one of the greatest tragedies of my life.

So, we saw the dolls before the show started. I pointed them out to Shlomo and said I wanted one. He rolled his eyes and said something to the effect of, “No way.” In my usual witty and condescending manner, I replied that I understood as it would be harder to get a three-top table at dinner following the show. Cher would need her own seat. It was my own little Jack McFarland moment.

So we went to the show. Oh, if I could turn back time. I believe it was incredible. That half-breed is the ultimate dark lady.

The show ends. There is thunderous ovation. Shlomo and I make a beeline for Spago. Imagine my disbelief when they sat the two of us at a three-top table. I ordered my chicken sausage pizza and a bellini and dashed back to the store. It’s odd being joined for dinner by a celebrity.

So all was well. Shlomo and I enjoyed the rest of our stay. We went to the airport this morning. As I am going through security, I hear the guy looking at the machine say, “Whose doll is this?” Shlomo cuts his eyes at me. It’s literally the two of us and some old couple.

Proudly, I say, “She is mine?”

The guy erupts in laughter. “Is that a Barbie?”

I say, “Show some respect. It’s Cher. You might think I would be embarrassed or ashamed, but I am not. She’s fabulous. And, I could say it is for my niece, but I don't have a niece.” With that, I gathered my things and headed to the gate. Viva Las Vegas.


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I just found out that this was at one time available but is not longer being offered by Mattel.

She is even more fabulous than the 80s Cher. The half-breed getup was my favorite costume during the show. Thanks to some savvy ebay shopping, she will arrive in 4-6 days.