Got Crabs?

So, I should be reading Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen. Instead, I am going to share a little story that happened last night.

After my class (which sucks by the way...it's graduate school...we don't need to watch a film...lazy professor), Shlomo and I went to a very nice seafood restaurant where they are having all-you-can-eat Stone Crabs on Monday nights. I should clear this up for you: stone crabs might be my favorite food. I think they are delicious and the best part is, the crab does not die. They pull off its claw and it regenerates a new one. Yes, it might be painful, but it is not death.

Another thing you should know: stone crabs are expensive. It is rare that I get to indulge in my love for them. On average, it is four times a year. It was a special occasion. Well, it was a special occasion that we went. Other than that, the only special occasion was that Monday night is the only night Shlomo and I will dine together this week. I know...poor Shlomo...he deserves the pleasure of my company every night.

Anyway, there is a price for six claws on the menu with two side items. For five dollars more, you can have as many as you want with unlimited sides. Here's the deal, I went to the Grace Adler school of all-you-can-eat feasting (scroll to scene three). The cardinal rule: do not fill up on the unimportant stuff. Order a salad, eat roughly 30 percent only to prepare the palate. Order one side and one side only. Eat small bites of it only while you are waiting for them to bring more of the crabs...the big ticket item. Avoid the breadbasket at all costs.

Needless to say, I totally followed my plan. Also needless to say, Shlomo did not. He ate bread. He ate most of his salad. He ate a lot of the side. He only ate six claws. I, on the other hand, stuck it to the man. That's right...eleven claws. I know gluttony is not something to brag about. However, more than getting your money's worth--especially in today's economy--is.

We all know I adore Shlomo. I can occasionally talk about how much I love him until even I am nauseated. But, hopefully he learned an important lesson last night. Filler foods are just that: filler. Do not waste your time. If we ever go to breakfast at the Plaza, I better not see a danish on your plate, Shlomo. Consider yourself warned. Smoked fishes...that's where the money is.