Where's the Beef?

Here's the deal. For the past 13 or 14 years, I have not eaten red meat. Then, there was an instance last April. Shlomo and I were going to New York. Our flight was delayed due to weather. We were sitting in the President's Club waiting for the weather to clear. Suddenly, it did and our flight was boarding. It did not dawn on me that I had not had lunch. It did dawn on me when I was on the plane and realized that if I did not eat what was served, it would be 4:00 before I had anything to eat. The meal was a disgusting cheeseburger. Begrudgingly, I ate it.

However, I made a deal with myself and with Shlomo. If I ate that, I was going to have a good cheeseburger. I had loved cheeseburgers. It was a sacrifice when I gave them up. But, for health reasons (I am the son of someone who has had ten...yes TEN...heart attacks), I removed them from my diet. I was never a steak eater. I hate pot roast. Burgers were basically all I had to give up. During the trip, I had a good cheeseburger.

We returned to Houston. I went back on the wagon. Then, in Houston, we had Hurricane Ike. During the twelve days without power, the fleeing to San Antonio, the total misery that was Hurricane Ike, I ate a cheeseburger again. We were on the road and calling in an order at Shlomo's favorite dive. I was not familiar with the menu. It was what he recommended. Desperate times. Again, it was good. So, it began. I started sampling cheeseburgers on occasion. It was no big deal.

Now, Shlomo and I are joining a very popular diet program whose name I won't mention. I will just say that it rhymes with "Late Lotchers." Shlomo's favorite meal is beef tenderloin. I had vowed to never make it. Two days ago, I watched the Barefoot Contessa make one. I thought as a "last meal" so to speak, I would make him one...with his other favorites...panko-crusted mashed potatoes, salad with home-made thousand island dressing, and coconut meringue pie for dessert. Oh, I also made a bearnaise sauce for the tenderloin. It was a surprise. I had set the table with the good china, crystal, and silver. I know...I am soooooo sweet. Honestly, he probably does not deserve me. Actually, no one does. But, I like to share my gifts with the world. Wow. I am conceited tonight.

I will say this about the meal. That Barefoot Contessa knows what she is doing. Evidently so do I. It was real, real good, y'all. Evidently, I am a carnivore.

I can report one incident, though. I assumed that Shlomo would somehow manage to infuriate me after I surprised him with such a meal. Thankfully, that was not the case. Rather, we were enjoying dessert. There was a little drop of pie on the table. I wiped it with my finger (Emily Post would be so proud) and licked it. Yep, not pie. It was bearnaise sauce. Here's the deal, the bearnaise sauce was delicious on the tenderloin. But, when you are expecting to taste coconut pie filling, bearnaise is not so good.

Evidently, I made a funny face before proclaiming, "Ewwwwwwww!" Shlomo laughed hysterically. That's right. I worked my fingers to the bone cooking all day only to be laughed at. Oh well...