Mini Me

Looking back, I guess it started when we got that precious miracle angel baby Gigi. Who knew what that would start? I did not really think of the toy poodle as being a smaller version of something normal sized. But, I guess it is.

Then, Shlomo and I had the moment of weakness known as Coral—our little Smart car. Well, it's been about a month on that one. I have no regrets. I love that car. I drive it everyday. Creepers (the Jeep Cherokee) pretty much permanently lives in the garage at this point.

Then today, I got a netbook. My laptop needed a new battery and it was only a marginal difference in the price of a new battery to facilitate travel or the netbook. At 2.5 pounds, the netbook won.

I did not really see a trend developing until this evening. However, evidently I have a fetish for things that are smaller than normal. Oh, and I had sliders for lunch. What do we think this means? Maybe I can find a therapist who will do a mini-session to discuss.

Coral

Earlier this summer for my birthday, Shlomo gave me a beautiful pair of vintage coral cufflinks with matching tuxedo studs. I had been obsessed with them for a few months. I loved them. I planned (okay, bought) numerous outfits around them. Cufflinks + numerous outfits = most expensive pair in my collection...by far.

So last Saturday, when we got home from our trip to Alaska, Shlomo and I went to one of our favorite local restaurants for dinner. As I was getting in the car, I heard something hit the console between the two front seats. I looked on my cuff, one of the coral cabachons was missing.

I knew it was in the car. That was a good thing. I could not find it, however. That was a bad thing. I was devastated. Shlomo had to leave the next day for a business trip parking his car at the airport. I remained devastated. I convinced myself that I would never find it. Since they were vintage and perfectly matched, I knew that a repair would probably never be good enough. I knew it was a material possession and not incredibly important in the whole scheme of life, but it was frustrating beyond belief.

Then, yesterday (this Saturday), Shlomo had the idea that we would take his car to the dealership for them to look for it. He sweetly said he would have them pull out the seats if necessary. He knows how I obsess over such things. After all, he lived through the three-month obsession prior to the purchase of said cufflinks and presentation as the perfect 35th birthday present. (For those not in the know, coral is the traditional 35th anniversary gift. It was the 35th anniversary of my birth. This is the one and only time I will admit that. 22, people...I am 22.)

Okay, I digressed. Anyway, we get to the dealership. The attendant moved the passenger seat up and back. He then took it back to the service area. We went into the showroom. It was cool in there. Okay, it would have been cooler in the bowels of hell. It's roughly 100 degrees every day here. I don’t handle heat well. So, we walk (I might have sashayed) into the showroom. There we see this.



Shlomo and I had driven one on Martha's Vineyard last summer. We love the little smart car convertibles. They always seem so fun...if somewhat impractical. We joked about how fun it would be to tool around in it on the weekends. I could drive it to class. Ha. Ha. Wouldn't it be nice…

Moments later, I see them pull Shlomo's car around. We walked out. The attendant did his best Joey Tribianni fake-out and then handed us the coral cabachon. We smiled. I might have teared up a little. We tipped the guy. We then headed directly to a jeweler to have it reset and the settings checked on the other one and the studs.

Oh, as for the Smart car, we pick her up on Tuesday or Wednesday. We went back to the dealership after the jeweler and made a deal. That's right. I put more thought into a pair of socks every morning. I have decided we will call her "Coral." I know, I know…Smart Car, Dumb Driver. We are struggling to justify a third car, but let’s face it…Coral is not the first ridiculous purchase we have made…and she probably won’t be the last. Cufflinks + numerous outfits + Smart Car = Really Expensive Cufflinks.

**********************************UPDATE*************************************************************************************************************************

Shlomo wants me to point out that Coral is a little over a year old and has 7500 miles on her. Shlomo has also expressed disbelief at my age being 22. I have spent enough on products for that lousy combination skin of mine, that 22 is what I can pass for. Shlomo's new address will be as follows:

The Doghouse
One Doghouse Lane
Dogpatch, AR

Rumor Has It...

After teaching myself American Art, abandoning Third World Politics at midterms, a brief sojourn to Miami and a wonderful time cruising in Alaska, rumors persist that I will be returning to the blog in a week or so. I just want to get back in a schedule of some sort when classes resume. We will catch up soon.

I Got a Face Tattoo

So, I am chatting with a friend at school today and somehow managed to mark on my own cheek with my pen. Here is an illustration:

Before



Please note that for the purpose of this illustration, I added some golden highlights for summer. In real life, they do not exist. The pale skin however is not an exaggeration.

After



To make matters worse, about 30 minutes later, I was in the library working on a paper that is due tomorrow (panic mode!) and managed to mark on my lip with my orange Le Pen. So now, I look something like this.



I know. Classy right? So now, I am at desk 27 in the library hoping no one notices me.

All About Shlomo…in 1640 Words

Earlier this week, Shlomo and I celebrated his birthday in Chicago. It was chilly. When I left, it was 7:00 in the morning and already 84 degrees in Houston. When I landed, it was 66 degrees in Chicago with a strong chance of rain. This did not make me sad. I will be honest, I had a new rain jacket that I was dying to wear. Shlomo had been to a conference there that ended on his birthday. I showed up on his birthday so we would have the afternoon and evening in the Windy City. We had the following morning, as well. But, for me it was a very fast trip.

So, in our afternoon of shopping and visiting art galleries (note: visiting galleries, not buying…damn recession), I suggested to Shlomo that since we were in a city that might actually have jackets in the stores (as opposed to Houston where it is hard to find anything larger than a speedo in the summer months), he should look for one to take on our trip to Alaska later this summer. In our first stop, we found one. It was what I had in mind, actually. In fact, I told him to ask for it specifically. I thought he would like it. He did. It was reasonably priced. Shlomo was thrilled to not have to go to 90 other stores looking at jackets.

Poor Shlomo, he did not realize that 90 other stores were what I had planned for the afternoon. But, it was a bit nippy and he put it on—especially if we were walking in the shade. So, we are walking down Michigan Avenue doing a little window shopping. I hoped it would be actual shopping, but nothing jumped out at me. Suddenly, I hear someone shouting, "Anshel! Anshel! Anshel!" It was one of my best friends from back home. I knew she and her husband were going to be in Chicago that week, but I knew how fast my trip was and how much I wanted to do. As a result, I made the choice to not tell her and let fate decide if I saw her or not. Fate clearly felt we should see them. So, we visited outside Burberry for a few minutes and went our separate ways. Seriously! It is a small world. And, clearly I cannot escape Yokelville no matter where I go or what I do.

We went into a couple of more stores slowly meandering down to the original Marshall Field's (which is sadly now a Macy's). Specifically, I wanted to see the glass mosaic dome by Louis Comfort Tiffany that was built towering 7 stories over what is now the cosmetics section. This term, I am writing a research paper on LCT and thought this would me an important piece to include. Simply, it is amazing. Also, on a brighter note, I found a pair of pajama bottoms that I had been wanting for 40% off. That alone made getting up at 5:00 a.m. to catch a plane to fly pretty much from the southern to the northern borders of the US worth it. Seriously, that $12 savings made it all worthwhile.

In case you did not know, Shlomo is not a patient shopper. Unless it is for him. Then he has all the time in the world. He had gone outside to wait on me. Also, I think to ensure that I would look at nothing else. Yeah, Shlomo. I had had three hours sleep. I needed a nap, too. So, I get outside and we walk towards the hotel. We had made it about half a block when I noticed that his new jacket looked somehow different. We stopped to wait to cross the street and I realized what it was. The conversation went something like this.

Me: Is your jacket on wrong side out?

Shlomo: I don't think so.

Me: Then all of the seams are on the outside.

Shlomo: Well, I guess the label is on the outside. (He changes his jacket to be worn the right way.)

Me: Dumbass.

I guess I should clear a few things up. Yes, there is an embroidered item on the back of the collar that says the name of the brand. Sadly, it is not Armani. Second, "Dumbass" is and always has been a term of affection in my family.

So, we went to the hotel. We rested. We enjoyed a wonderful dinner at Joe's Stone Crab. I ate so much. Shlomo ate so much. We went back to the hotel and crashed. Yep, asleep by 11:00. Our wild nightlife never ends.

The next morning, we got up and were headed in the rain (yippee! Another justification to wear my jacket!) to the Art Institute. I spent last semester researching Seurat and wanted to view Sunday on the Isle of La Grande Jatte—1884 one more time. It was an eight block walk. We made it about half of a block and Shlomo managed to—how shall I put this delicately—totally mess up the zipper of his new jacket. The jacket has a double zipper pull so if you are cool, happening, and have a flat belly you can unzip it a bit from the bottom to look cool. As I think all three of things are overrated and Shlomo is/has none of them, one zipper pull would be sufficient. So, I look at him and the bottom of one side of the jacket is zipped so it lines up with the middle of the other side. Thus, it left at least half of his stomach exposed. Seriously, where was my camera?

So, not full of patience and maybe using a lovely moniker from the day before, I offered demanded to help. God punished me. I am trying to unzip the jacket and balance my umbrella under my chin. A gust of wind (it is the windy city, after all) blows my umbrella inside out and breaks three of the spokes. Yep, I am screwed. Conversation like this:

Me: There's a cab. We are getting in, fixing your jacket, and going to my mecca to get me another umbrella. (I loved that umbrella. It was substantial enough not to lose it, but small enough to fit in my bookbag/suitcase and take no room. And, I figured out a long time ago that $5 ones from the drugstore are good for one, maybe two rainy days.)

Shlomo: What about the Museum?

Me: Screw the museum. I am getting wet.

So, we get to the store at 9:58. They open at 10:00. Conveniently, there was covered walkway where we actually fixed Shlomo's zipper. Yep, pretty proud of myself. I unstuck a zipper. Higher education pays. We are walking to the store…and by to the store, I mean in front of three windows…Shlomo decides to zip his jacket. Same exact thing. I walk in and turned him over to the first salesgirl I saw. This was about me. I needed an umbrella. Shlomo should have learned about zippers in the first grade. I am no first grade teacher.

I found a similar umbrella. I kid you not, it was three times as much. Also, it was in the women's section, but a black umbrella is a black umbrella. I did not get it. I said I would go up to menswear on the sixth floor to get one exactly like the one I had. Shlomo opted to stay on the first floor to get directions to a breakfast place. I was gone a while. I thought Shlomo would be coming up. He never did. To his chagrin, I managed to spend the price differential plus $10 on the coolest hat. (FYI: I make Hugh Grant look tan. Skin cancer prevention is very important to me. Not as important as being stylish, but important, nonetheless.) Shlomo claims to hate said hat. I don't care. I love it. I have a big head. I have to buy a hat when I find one I like that fits. Seriously, it's an XL. Further proof of my big head is I have a picture of me, Shlomo, and Jane Fonda. My head is like three times the size of hers.

So, we ate breakfast and returned home. Shlomo had a very happy birthday. Well, he better have had one. He claims to. Personally, I was glad it was successful. It also means we could start focusing on my birthday. I am totally a juvenile about gifts. I made Shlomo open his antique wine decanter a month ago. I think I deserve mine early. Finally, today, Shlomo relented. He gave me the most beautiful tuxedo set (cufflinks and studs) made of coral. I cannot wait to wear it. I am considering wearing my tuxedo around the house tomorrow in fact. I don't know where he ever got the idea. It is all I have talked about for weeks. I mention it every time we drive by the antique store where we found them. As it is about three blocks from our house, I think he bought them just to shut me up. I know I am horrible on the gift receiving front. I have no patience and I hate surprises. I blame my mother.

Still (don't read further if you do not have a strong gag reflex), my greatest gift is Shlomo himself. He constantly makes me laugh—both with and at him. He brings so much joy to my life that I don't want to think about it without him. When I wake up on July 5 in a new Nielsen demographic for the first time in 17 years, I will know that middle age is okay because I get to share it with someone as great as Shlomo.

Phone Home

So we all know that I am watching How I Met Your Mother this summer as part of my attempt to find some new shows. Clearly, I do not spend enough time watching tv. On one of the episodes today, one of the guys bought a British phone booth. It was supposed to be a ridiculous thing. Now, I totally want a British phone booth. I don't know why, but I think that would be fun. Can't you just see some big red phone booth in our entry way?

It would not be the first time we made a questionable purchase. We have this for Gigi...remember? (FYI: Not Gigi in the photo.)

She does not sleep in it yet. But one day, she might stay in it for more than 30 seconds. It was totally worth the ridiculous amount of money we paid for it. My cousin actually called it the Taj Majal. She was not that far off.

I need to by ironing. Instead, I am procrastinating. I don't think I really need to explain why do I?

Shock of shocks, I am not-so-patiently waiting for some books to be delivered from UPS. Don't even get me started on those bastards.

Shlomo is mad at me because I refer to and call Gigi "Monster." It was not really an issue for him until she started answering to it. He has no problem when I call the other dogs "monkeys" or "turtles" or "girly girls." Okay, they pretty much answer to anything. And, based on her teething, right now "Monster" is not entirely inaccurate. World's cutest monster. That's our Gigi.

Jon and Kate Plus Eight = People I do not care about. Remember when gossip was about real celebrities. Burt and Loni, come back.

Oh well, I guess I am off to watch another episode of HIMYM and possibly iron. Who am I kidding? I am going to watch the show and look for a phone booth on ebay.

 

 

 

School’s In…for Summer

So…summer school starts tonight. For the next several weeks, I will be focused on American Art. Then, I will spend a few weeks devoted to Politics of the Third World. You might be thinking, "Wow! Anshel has had a really nice break between the spring semester and summer school." Well, there is a reason for that. Summer classes were supposed to start last week. My professor somehow got confused. She thought classes were supposed to start this week. She did not show up. For reals.

I was not that surprised. I had her for a class last semester. During that time, she managed to lose the entire class's papers. I am not saying she is an idiot. I would never say that about a professor. I will leave you to draw your own conclusion.

In the meantime, I have enjoyed the extra break. It was kind of nice to have a break that was unplanned, so I did not plan anything to fill it. As witnessed by our trips, Shlomo and I really do not know how to take it easy. We cram six Broadway shows into four days in New York. We go to Chicago for a weekend and see a play, a concert, fourteen galleries, a couple of museums, among other things. I think you get the picture: relaxation is not something we do well. Go. Go. Go. So, the break was nice.

I will try to do better with the posting this summer. I know I have kind of taken a bit of a break as late. What can I say? After writing my papers for class, I needed a break. But, I will try to do better. That is…until Third World Politics starts kicking my bootay!